These Advice from A Dad That Helped Me when I became a First-Time Parent

"In my view I was simply just surviving for twelve months."

One-time Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the challenges of fatherhood.

However the actual experience rapidly proved to be "completely different" to what he pictured.

Severe health complications around the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was thrust into acting as her main carer while also taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I took on all the nights, every change… every walk. The duty of mother and father," Ryan stated.

After 11 months he became exhausted. It was a conversation with his father, on a park bench, that led him to understand he needed help.

The simple words "You aren't in a good spot. You need assistance. In what way can I assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and start recovering.

His story is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. Although society is now better used to talking about the pressure on moms and about post-natal depression, less is said about the difficulties new fathers encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan believes his difficulties are symptomatic of a larger inability to talk between men, who often internalise damaging notions of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and stays upright with each wave."

"It isn't a sign of being weak to request help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to accept they're struggling.

They can think they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - especially ahead of a mother and child - but she highlights their mental state is just as important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the chance to ask for a break - going on a couple of days away, outside of the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he required a shift to consider his and his partner's emotions alongside the logistical chores of caring for a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of emotion and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen was without consistent male guidance. Even with having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says bottling up feelings resulted in him make "poor choices" when he was younger to change how he was feeling, turning in substance use as escapism from the pain.

"You turn to behaviours that are harmful," he notes. "They might short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Tips for Coping as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, speak to a trusted person, your other half or a professional how you're feeling. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the things that allowed you to feel like you before having a baby. This might be exercising, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the physical health - a good diet, physical activity and if you can, resting, all contribute in how your mind is doing.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - listening to their journeys, the messy ones, along with the joys, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Know that seeking help isn't failing - taking care of your own well-being is the most effective way you can look after your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the passing, having not spoken to him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead give the stability and emotional support he lacked.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - expressing the frustrations constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men because they acknowledged their issues, changed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… processing things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I expressed, at times I think my purpose is to guide and direct you on life, but in reality, it's a exchange. I am discovering as much as you are on this path."